I've been having a few panic attacks these past couple of weeks, and while they're awful and exhausting, I have learned much through them. They always leave me feeling broken in the sense that I don't work right; that I don't function as I should. I hate being broken. Sometimes they're so bad that I have to take half or even a whole day off, and I hate not being able to keep up with everyone else. I talked with a friend about it one evening, and she encouraged me to read Isaiah 61 and 62. Those two chapters talk about how God is near to the brokenhearted, and He redeems that which is lost and desolate. That's something that He delights in doing. He is a Savior, a Healer, and a Lover; so I should let Him save me, heal me, and love me. But I have to first be broken in order to be fixed.
I've always been afraid that I'm too broken for someone to handle; that in my weakness, I am too needy. But, "His grace is sufficient for me, and His power is made perfect in my weakness." While I was thinking about this verse, a song came to mind. ("Always Enough," by Casting Crowns)
"Your love is peace to the broken,
Faith for the widow
Hope for the orphan,
Strength for the weak
Your love is the anthem of nations
Rings out through the ages
And You're always enough for me."
I thought a lot about the last line. If God is always enough for me, then that means that I am never too much for Him. Here are some other verses I found comforting.
"For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." --Psalm 51:16-17
"This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid, for what can man do to me? Your vows are binding upon me, O God; I will render thank offerings to You. For You have delivered my soul from death, and my feet from stumbling, so that I may walk before You in the light of life." --Psalm 57:9-13
I just found a song yesterday after having a mini breakdown that has been encouraging to me. It's called "Sparrows," and it's by Jason Gray. I'll end this post with the lyrics.
"You can't add a single day by worrying
You'll worry your life away
Oh don't worry your life away
You can't change a single thing by freaking out
It's just gonna close you in
Oh don't let the trouble win