Being Broken Before the Lord

     I know it's been more than a week since my last post, but things have been pretty busy around here. Two groups of campers have already come and gone, and a third group is just starting their time here. I've been working in the kitchen a lot, which is enjoyable for the most part. I've also become an expert at weed trimming and push mowing, and I have worked for a few hours on both a turkey farm and a strawberry farm. During breaks, I got to play some games with the groups, including Mafia, ultimate frisbee, volleyball, and ultimate musical chairs.

     I've been having a few panic attacks these past couple of weeks, and while they're awful and exhausting, I have learned much through them. They always leave me feeling broken in the sense that I don't work right; that I don't function as I should. I hate being broken. Sometimes they're so bad that I have to take half or even a whole day off, and I hate not being able to keep up with everyone else. I talked with a friend about it one evening, and she encouraged me to read Isaiah 61 and 62. Those two chapters talk about how God is near to the brokenhearted, and He redeems that which is lost and desolate. That's something that He delights in doing. He is a Savior, a Healer, and a Lover; so I should let Him save me, heal me, and love me. But I have to first be broken in order to be fixed.

     I've always been afraid that I'm too broken for someone to handle; that in my weakness, I am too needy. But, "His grace is sufficient for me, and His power is made perfect in my weakness." While I was thinking about this verse, a song came to mind. ("Always Enough," by Casting Crowns)

          "Your love is peace to the broken,
            Faith for the widow
            Hope for the orphan,
            Strength for the weak
            Your love is the anthem of nations
            Rings out through the ages
           And You're always enough for me."
           
     I thought a lot about the last line. If God is always enough for me, then that means that I am never too much for Him. Here are some other verses I found comforting.

"For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." --Psalm 51:16-17

"Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but He gives grace to the humble.Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." --1 Peter 5:5-7

"This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid, for what can man do to me? Your vows are binding upon me, O God; I will render thank offerings to You. For You have delivered my soul from death, and my feet from stumbling, so that I may walk before You in the light of life." --Psalm 57:9-13

     I just found a song yesterday after having a mini breakdown that has been encouraging to me. It's called "Sparrows," and it's by Jason Gray. I'll end this post with the lyrics.

          "You can't add a single day by worrying
           You'll worry your life away
           Oh don't worry your life away
          You can't change a single thing by freaking out
           It's just gonna close you in
           Oh don't let the trouble win

           You may feel alone
           But you're not on your own

          (Chorus)

          If He can hold the world He can hold this moment
          Not a field or flower escapes His notice
          Oh even the sparrow
          Knows He holds tomorrow

           

          Lean in and it's hard to miss
          Everything can change
          When you make it His
          Oh He wants to carry it
          Carefree in the care of God
          When you let it go
          You'll find that He's enough
         Oh you never leave His love

          You don't walk alone

           (Chorus)

         There's not a single star that's out of place
         There's nothing broken He can't remake
         If you long for hope when you're afraid
         Oh look at the sparrow
         Look at the sparrow

         (Chorus)

Thanks for reading,

~Sarah