Burdened with guilt and failure,
I hung my head with shame.
He stood before me,
the judge of all my crimes.
I knew I was at fault;
there was no hope for me.
I cringed, expecting the just words
of condemnation.
He touched His hand
to my cheek and
lifted my chin so
I could gaze at Him.
I looked in His eyes,
and my shame and fear
melted away, lost in the depths
of the eyes of Love Himself.
His smile lit up the room
and my heart as well.
He gathered me in His arms,
and whispered these words to me.
"Well done, my faithful one.
Fear nothing, my daughter."
I knew all was well
when I looked in His eyes.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Sunday, October 19, 2014
How Deep the Father's Love
"What man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" --Matthew 7:9-11
My father doesn't quite fit this verse; he doesn't know how to give good gifts to his children. He will buy things for us that he thinks we'll like-- without knowing what we do like-- but he never gives us the gifts that we REALLY want; his affection, attention, and approval. His eyes do not look on us with love, but with scorn.
It is very hard to love a man like that. It's been hard to think of God as a loving Father, because I have no model for that. In my experience, a father is someone to be feared and avoided. A father is someone you try to speak to as little as possible for fear of enraging him.
I read a blog post recently about a child in the foster system (you can read it here). There was one part in particular that caught my attention
"And he wants to impress them, these strangers. He wants to win them over, and so he brings his good report card along as tangible proof that he is a child worth loving.
A child should never have to prove they are worth loving."
I've felt that way. It's really quite terrible. There's so much hope that is overshadowed by the fear of rejection. You have to wonder, "If my parents couldn't love me, how could anyone else possibly do so?" We were created by God to desire fellowship. There's a natural inclination to the family bond. Though my father is such a harsh and cold man, I strive to earn his approval; I strive to prove to him that I am worth loving. It hurts every single time.
I love Romans 8:15-16, "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father!" The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children." There's a contrast here; the spirit of bondage and fear, and the Spirit of sonship that makes us God's children. To be a child of God is to be rid of fear and bondage. The Bible says that God is perfect, and that God is love. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." (1 John 4:18)
"See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and that is what we are!" --1 John 3:1 My heavenly Father is different from my earthly father. He is not a bigger version of my dad; that would be very bad for me. He is the perfect version of my dad, full of love and grace. He loves and cares for me. How incredible is He, that He would welcome me into His arms!!
My father doesn't quite fit this verse; he doesn't know how to give good gifts to his children. He will buy things for us that he thinks we'll like-- without knowing what we do like-- but he never gives us the gifts that we REALLY want; his affection, attention, and approval. His eyes do not look on us with love, but with scorn.
It is very hard to love a man like that. It's been hard to think of God as a loving Father, because I have no model for that. In my experience, a father is someone to be feared and avoided. A father is someone you try to speak to as little as possible for fear of enraging him.
I read a blog post recently about a child in the foster system (you can read it here). There was one part in particular that caught my attention
"And he wants to impress them, these strangers. He wants to win them over, and so he brings his good report card along as tangible proof that he is a child worth loving.
A child should never have to prove they are worth loving."
I've felt that way. It's really quite terrible. There's so much hope that is overshadowed by the fear of rejection. You have to wonder, "If my parents couldn't love me, how could anyone else possibly do so?" We were created by God to desire fellowship. There's a natural inclination to the family bond. Though my father is such a harsh and cold man, I strive to earn his approval; I strive to prove to him that I am worth loving. It hurts every single time.
I love Romans 8:15-16, "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father!" The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children." There's a contrast here; the spirit of bondage and fear, and the Spirit of sonship that makes us God's children. To be a child of God is to be rid of fear and bondage. The Bible says that God is perfect, and that God is love. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." (1 John 4:18)
"See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and that is what we are!" --1 John 3:1 My heavenly Father is different from my earthly father. He is not a bigger version of my dad; that would be very bad for me. He is the perfect version of my dad, full of love and grace. He loves and cares for me. How incredible is He, that He would welcome me into His arms!!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
I found a journal of mine today from early 2011. I was 13 at the
time, and a lot of the entries surprised me with their level of
immaturity. One entry that I read made me cry, though.
It began by telling about the day, which had started off okay and then hadn't gone well. This is the part that hit me:
"Then I went into the bathroom to wash my face. And I almost started crying again. The face staring back at me in the mirror was swollen and red, the eyes rimmed with black. THIS is the person God has great plans for?!? This crying, bloated face is the one everyone says is always smiling and beautiful?!
It began by telling about the day, which had started off okay and then hadn't gone well. This is the part that hit me:
"Then I went into the bathroom to wash my face. And I almost started crying again. The face staring back at me in the mirror was swollen and red, the eyes rimmed with black. THIS is the person God has great plans for?!? This crying, bloated face is the one everyone says is always smiling and beautiful?!
This wretched, ugly person could not be one of God's children."
I was certainly convinced of this at the time. God is perfect, spotless, and holy, right? He couldn't have me around, making Him look bad. The pretty, popular girls at school had taught me that lesson: don't try to mingle with those greater than you.
Looking back, my heart aches for that lonely, down-trodden girl. I know now that because of Jesus, my ugliness has been removed, to be replaced by His righteousness. I can stand with God, and He can call me His own, because He doesn't see me anymore. He sees Himself in me.
Yes, God has plans for the one with the red face soaked in tears. He has plans for the one with scars crossing the body. He has plans for the wretched one. He delights in taking what is broken and putting it back together, then putting it on display: "THIS is who I have made, and I am well pleased."
You can choose to follow your plans or to follow God's plans. One will leave you broken and hopeless; the other leads to restoration and life. Which will you choose?
I was certainly convinced of this at the time. God is perfect, spotless, and holy, right? He couldn't have me around, making Him look bad. The pretty, popular girls at school had taught me that lesson: don't try to mingle with those greater than you.
Looking back, my heart aches for that lonely, down-trodden girl. I know now that because of Jesus, my ugliness has been removed, to be replaced by His righteousness. I can stand with God, and He can call me His own, because He doesn't see me anymore. He sees Himself in me.
Yes, God has plans for the one with the red face soaked in tears. He has plans for the one with scars crossing the body. He has plans for the wretched one. He delights in taking what is broken and putting it back together, then putting it on display: "THIS is who I have made, and I am well pleased."
You can choose to follow your plans or to follow God's plans. One will leave you broken and hopeless; the other leads to restoration and life. Which will you choose?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)